how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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