Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
