All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
