Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
