guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
