Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
