I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
