nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
