Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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