How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
