Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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