So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its not stalking. its research.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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