i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
