everyone is single if you try hard enough
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
