I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
