tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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