It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
