dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We left the knife in your bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
