I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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