You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
