Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
