Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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