Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
