I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
