Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
