Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
