Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
