Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
