all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
