Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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