Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
