Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
zippers are such a cool invention
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
