PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
