And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
