haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yo dont text me then not text me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
