when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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