Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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