I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
