Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
