So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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