One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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