You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
