Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
