I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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