i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
