She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
