No stitches, just platelets and will power
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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