guys are only as good as the porn they watch
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
