Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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