I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
