I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
false alarm, still single
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