So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You ruined the universe
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
