Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
