am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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