Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
